From Mommy:
Well my love...it's been quite a year. Without a doubt, the hardest of my life.
When we decided to have another baby, I thought the extent of my sacrifice would be going through the pregnancy, delivery & baby years all over again. We never imagined we'd both be going through an emotional breakdown instead. We never imagined we'd be watching our baby fight for his life.
Of course you know about all the bad things that can happen, but you never really think it could ever happen to you. You see things on tv, and you cry along, and you think if that ever happened to me, there's no way I could handle it...but you do. You get through it one day at a time, one hour at a time, you go numb, you build up walls, you pretend like it's not real, you spend most of your time with your head in your hands, you go through the motions like a zombie. You hope, but you try not to hope out loud cause your scared you might jinx something. You cry in the shower or in bed cause you don't want to freak out your 3 year old, and you don't want your Husband to see how weak & hopeless you are. You try to maintain your feelings so you don't pile anymore stress or grief on your partners shoulders. But mostly, you fill up your mind with all these selfish little thoughts, because if for one second you let yourself think about the hell that baby is having to endure, that's when you lose it.
Look at you now though! Look how far you come, it's absolutely amazing! You have been through so much, but you still smile all the time. I guess you appreciate life more than most people, because you know firsthand how fragile it is! I love watching how determined you are to do everything, you don't let anything get in your way. Just like you were determined not to let anything cheat you out of your life! I hope you always keep that happy & positive disposition all through your life.
It's funny to think back to those first few months and remember how angry and bitter I was that this happened to us. I felt unlucky. And now I realize just how lucky I really am. I got to witness an honest to goodness miracle, I got to find out how strong I am, and how dedicated this family is, and I learned how to be grateful. But mostly, I'm lucky because I have you!
Happy Birthday Sweet Angel!
